I remember
by Jokess
Summary: Kouji's feelings on if Kouichi didn't survive in the real world. One shot fiction. May do a one shot on how Kouichi feels on leaving everyone if I get a good response.


Kouji's pov

It feels like forever but it has only been a short time. I don't want to believe you are gone. But I've always been someone who faced reality. And this is no different. Still I wish there had been something I could have done. I don' know what tot his day but anything would have been better then doing nothing. Everyone said I did all that I could do but I know that's a lie

I remember the first time we met so clearly. I remember seeing your face behind all that darkness. For a moment I thought we were the same. But in that same moment I could see that was not so. I remember that I could see the pain you went through. I remember that I could see who you were to me and who I was to you. But all this was realized subconsciously and it was locked away so I could remember.

I remember that memorable day in the Dark Continent when you lay there finally free of the darkness. It was the die where I protected you and you me. I remember that was the day you became a part of the group and you became a part of me. This is why I can never loose you, because you're still here in my heart. You'll always be part of me and I'll always remember you.

Light and dark it's strange when you think about it. Light and dark are brothers that are the same yet totally different. They are brothers that can't live without each other. Yet here I am living without you. But maybe that's because you're still here. But you are here in spirit meaning Lowemon and jagerlowemon anyway.

I go to the digital world a lot now. They have an elevator to take me to that site. It's the site where you gave up your life in the digital world. The digimon did it at my request after I told them you were gone. They could see I was upset but they did it because they knew they had also lost a great warrior. The great warrior of darkness.

I remember you every night. Literally since you were the darkness. Everyone else remembers you too. Zoe, Takuya, J.P. and Tommy. They all remember what you did for them and I know they like I have not yet stopped crying over the loss of you. I don't think J.P. has thought about eating once since you passed on. You see? You were very important no on e else has done that with J.P. before.

I know I shouldn't be laughing now. But it helps the pain go away. Pain that I don't think is nearly as great as my...our dad and your...our mom feels. Our dad didn't see you much but when he found out...he almost moved again. Only I kept him here in Shibuya. And our mom....loosing two people so quickly. First our grandmother and then you. And no matter how bad the situation may be she still didn't quit her job. And her boss doesn't even care that she lost you.

I'm still enraged at what her boss said. His words bring tears to my eyes. He said. Don't take this as an excuse to slack off. You still have another one. Awful I know. I bet if he lost anyone he would close down his office for weeks on end. But since it's you mom....he doesn't care. Of course I know you wouldn't quit even if your boss would let you. I can see work has for you become away not to think of your son's...my twin brother's death.

I remember you so well. I know that will never change. I remember the days we spent together. I remember how surprised I felt at finding out I was a younger brother. I remember the day we found out that you were different. I remember how I felt. I remember that it was a feeling of such sadness that it choked my heart and I was forced to hide my emotions less I loose control.

I remember how you took the news that you were just a spirit. A spirit with a spirit. That has become Takuya's new catch phrase. As you can see our group hasn't changed much. Takuya still acts like an idiot and the rest act pretty much the same. But I know it's just a cover. I know inside Tommy has matured even more then before because of what happened. And I know I will never be the same.

I remember the promise I made just before you died. That promise is the only thing that keeps me going. That keeps me from locking myself in my room and never coming out. I remember that I promised to be nicer for you. I remember I said I would make friends. I haven't had time yet. But I promise I will.

I'm sure you would be happy to know I saw our mom. You may have guessed that already but I don't want to make you worry. I remember telling her you were gone. I remember her face. I remember us crying together for so long. I remember that it was then I knew things would never be the same.

I remember your funeral only days past. I remember it was at your house. I remember looking at a picture of you while I knelt down to pray. I even remembered what I prayed. I remember I said. Please Kouichi always stay by my side. Even in your death stay be me and remind me to stay on course. I love you Kouichi and I'll never forget you. But you know light and dark can't survive without each other so stay by me. And show me the light even if you are the dark.

I remember when our dad and our mom met. They just looked at each other too shocked to do much of anything but stare. I remember after you stood there for minutes people started to stare at you. And I remember at the same moment you two rushed to each other and cried. I remember my step mom wasn't jealous. I knew she understood. If she couldn't she wouldn't be worthy.

I remember the tears of everyone when we gave you our own private funeral in the digital world. I remember what was said. I remember that I could see you smiling down on us and as I spoke I remember you saying to me that you would never leave me. Or you would never leave me again.

I remember the last few minutes before you died. I remember looking into my Dtector to see Lowemon telling me you were still alive. I remember running wherever my feet brought me. I remember hearing a clock that ticked down the time until you passed away or until I was able to save you. I remember running to your room and even outside of it I could here the heart monitor. At first relief swept through me as I heard the monitor beeping with a steady heart rate.

But I remember even as I put my hand on the door the sound suddenly faltered to that one single beep on and on. And then I knew you were gone. The doctors knew it too but tried to revive you anyway. Obviously it didn't work. After I felt like I could go in I remember that I did and I remember that I stared into your lifeless eyes. I remember that that was the first time I cried and for the longest time I could not stop.

I remember the two thoughts that still plague my mind and to this day still bring tears to my eyes. I remember that I never once saw you alive. You weren't alive in the digital world and I missed seeing you alive in the real world. And then of course the even worse realization that you did not remember your time in the digital world. I don't know how I knew it but I did. I knew that you did not remember me. I knew you did not remember anyone. I remember realizing that met you died before you knew you met your brother. I remember that I knew you died in great sadness.

And I remember that no matter how long I cried you would not wake up and I remember that everyone else was mourning for you. I remember it rained soon after. I remember it was raining in the digital world as well. I remember everything about you. But still I miss you.


End file.
